so i walked into my room today and promptly tripped up. for once, i wasn’t falling over my own feet, it was more the junk covering my carpet. nigella lawson would be ashamed. that was it. it was time for a clean. i rolled my sleeves up and got to work. one hour later, i’m still drowning in a sea of clothes, papers, half eaten sweets, old toast, odd socks and torn out pages from magazines. and i’ve worked up a sweat – bollocks.

on the plus side, i’ve found a fully stamped magic wrap card, one of my lost earrings, £8 in coins, a nail varnish i thought i’d lost and a cardi half chewed by winston the hamster. maybe i should tidy up more often. then again . . .

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